Friday, May 21, 2010

NEWSense (23/5/2010)

This edition of NEWSense is a complete oligopoly of Cricket, Business and Technology. This ain't breaking news its making news.

The Gate Job

It was all brotherly love and nostalgia this weekend in Silicon Valley, when good old Stevo teamed up with his old pal Bill to entertain the netizens in a series of comic strips. In order to commemorate their successful 30 year filching finishing in Silicon Valley, the duo announced that they are coming up with a new collaborative product called iTrouser - complete with iZip and iPockets. While Apple came up with the name and the design, Microsoft provided the tailors

This revolutionary, groundbreaking, game changing, innovative, magical (the usual Jobsian adjectives) will be available for sale this fall. Initially, this garb has been made compulsory for all Apple employees as it is said to have a new feature which sends out an alarm whenever a german beer addicted Tom, Dick or Gray misplaces his future. TASMAC has been awarded the retail rights of this product in India due to umm., you know, the obvious - a bit of both Microsoft & Apple in it's name - DOS & MAC. Both averred that this pant's accessories will not have any third party support like Viking / Jockey- only Apple's iShorts is allowed.

Catholic Church brings glory to England at last : Church of England Dissolved

The Pope (who else? Mr.Benedict) issued an official decree claiming that it was indeed Catholicism that won the cricket world cup for England this year. His preposterous logic was that the Brits had finally kicked Mr.Brown, a Protestant, out of Downing St. and replaced him with a more Catholic - David Cameron.

 "Catholics are God fearing, bed time Bible reading, Sunday church going, child molestation charges dismissing, tithe paying, broad minded Christians. That is why the holy spirit ( pauses to clarify that it is not Johnny Walker he is alluding to ) has showered them with world cup honors", he said.

When a Rooters correspondent correctly pointed out that Mr.Cameron was not a Catholic, the Pope's escorts had him bundled up and shipped off to a remote Bulgarian village, where our inside sources say that he will be treated under the special care of celibate and estrogen starved priests.

"Any other scribe wants to see Bulgaria?". Every reporter was out of Vatican in the next flight.

ECB Modi-fies cricket

Mr.Lalit Modi has refuted the Pope's claims and has announced that England won the world cup only because of him. You feel like slapping him on the face,  right? We feel too. Here was his weird logic, which we hate to admit, made sense. See, he invented the IPL; he formulated the 4 foreign players limit; in fact he devised everything in cricket. England followed the rule to the very last word and fielded 4 foreign players in their squad - 3 proteas and 1 Irish., which enabled them to win the world cup. He pointed out that no other team followed his 4 aliens rule, only England did.

He added that to fete his contributions, ECB  has invited him to be on its governing board to come up with more brilliant ideas to ruin, oops (lispy tone he got you know this Modi) run cricket in England. For the benefit of the yokels who were snoring gloriously during his 4 hour rant (yours truly included) , he was kind enough to give each a 20,000 page book titled Lalit Modi -the man who invented cricket. On a side note, readers might remember that the 50,000 page book he submitted as an assignment during his college days officially holds three Guinness world records for the world's biggest, heaviest and most environment unfriendly book ever.

Sam Anderson rescues General Motors

Good news from Michigan. This quarter, General Motors posted it's first profit in 3 years.

"The new GM has already arrived. We are no more that sluggish old beast. We are new, agile and aggressive. Sales last quarter have soared mainly due to exceptional demand for the new model of cars designed by our newly hired chief designer Mr. Sam Anderson. " said CEO Ed Whitacre in a conference call with analysts.

"Its rare to find superstars like Sam. They are rarer than honest politicians. More new projects are on the pipeline under his inspirational and visionary leadership . What's good for GM is good for America", he beamed.

When pressed by the press to reveal more details, he said that the new car will be a compact car- chinna model car to use Sam's words - cheaper than the Nano. Be afraid Mr.Tata. Be very afraid;  Sam henry-ford-reincarted Anderson is here. Btw, people who are not aware of who this guy is, click this youtube link. Language is not a barrier to understand this automobile genius. He unveils his revolutionary chinna model car design at the 36th second of this video.

It's deja-vu all over again

Everybody, no matter what - rich or poor, stupid or smart, X or Y -  has his/her Yogi Berra moment in life. So, here are some of the two quotes we managed to find this fortnight. Oh! Wait.

If somebody is saying behind me that somebody tore my shirt then what can I say. I didn't even take any shirt to West Indies. I had taken only t-shirts.  

- Ashish Nehra's irrefutable defense to the pub brawl indictment.

The most popular activity in Gmail is sending emails  

- Google's  Mr.Sundar Pichai in Google I/O.

Since this blog cant afford 1000 more words 

Cartoon from Slate magazine.
Till the next edition. Tata!

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