tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91818270618799461962024-03-13T21:36:44.204-07:00Santa Weblogsantahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-76045363631121707342010-12-13T05:35:00.001-08:002010-12-18T12:30:22.453-08:00Ayyo!naar<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US">Tamizh cinema has come a long way from those days when loser-stalker love stories where successfully doing their rounds successfully in tinsel town. <i>Sethu</i> came as a shot in the arm for Kollywood film makers who loved to make out-of-the-box movies but were unable to do so for fear of rejection. If not for <i>Sethu</i>, I am sure we would have never had a <i>Subramanyapuram</i> or a <i>Myna</i>. I am digressing. </span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 6px; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center;">Enna Koduma Saravanan Ithu?</td></tr>
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US"> Meet <i>Raja ‘Myth’ran </i>(note name carefully fellows), a man who weaves a Cameron-meets-Dharani-meets-Spielberg-meets-Vasanthabalan world in his <i>neo noire</i> (whatever that means) , superhero, action cum thriller cum comedy flick – A.Y.A.N.A.A.R ( imagine animation with fonts whizzing past the screen amidst inspirational BGM). The movie is so good that it is set to make history as the first Indian movie to be remade in Hollywood. Wait - that’s unnecessary. Just dubbing this movie into English and unleashing the monstrosity, raw and wild, on unwitting westerners should suffice. <o:p></o:p></span><span lang="EN-US"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US">Now you get the drift. The movie is total bulls***. Even if they had employed some <i>moolai</i> instead of some <i>moolah,</i> this movie would have been watchable at best ; unluckily not to be the case. It’s so bizarre that it does not fit into any particular genre. Rumor has it that a new genre, <i>crapo noire, </i> has been proposed by IMDB to classify this movie. If a movie beats to pulp <i>Satyam</i> and <i><a href="http://pravunplugged.blogspot.com/2009/09/kandasaamy-kappi-crusader.html">Kandasam</a>y</i> in crappiness and lack of logic, at least then it deserves this honor, right? This is the first movie I seriously contemplated walking out at half time and I’m still wondering why I dint do that in the first place.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US"> More appalling than the <i>mokka</i> screenplay, <i>kevalamaana </i>casting and <i>saniyan-puticha</i> camera work is the conspicuous lack of any bit of common sense in the film . Twenty minutes in to the movie there is a flashback sequence which begins with a title card ‘<i>2 years ago, Kumbakonam</i>’ and then after some time the movie quietly slips back to the present day Chennai, only that the audience are completely unaware of it. The movie darts back and forth between the present and past like a shaky <i>palaya ambassador car</i> and all that the viewers are left with is a rotten <i>kutanchoru</i>. Yow director! At least you could have used a differentiating aspect - like a contrasting saturation. <i>Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind</i> employed Kate Winslet’s blue hair streaks to make that distinction.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US">In what world does the police investigating a murder case come across the prime suspect on the run and not arrest him? To be honest even toward the end of the movie one is not able to make out who’s who in the protagonist’s family. Considering that the entire movie revolves around this family, it’s a big V<i>ekakedu.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US"> And my god what were they thinking when they cast the heroine! And where did she go half way through the movie? One may think of <i>Aadhi (of Eeram) </i>to be an ideal fit but of what use was <i>Vikram</i> in <i>Kandasamy</i>? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;">And Aadhi’s dance moves – <i>Yew, Enna koduma Saravanan Ithu! Santhanam </i>appears here and there in the first half hour or so and suddenly absconds. He must have seen no good in contributing to such a bad movie any further.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US">Almost all the dialogues are clichéd, mushy and <i>suttufied</i> from other B-grade movies. For no one reason at all, in the last half an hour everyone starts calling the hero <i>Ayanaar</i> just so that the movie’s name makes sense. Still there are many, many huge <i>logic-hole</i> (not pronounced logical) moments in the movie and I am just barely scratching the surface. One can comfortably wager that the director dint even spend that much time working on the screenplay as I did writing this review.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US">It ghastly reminds us of those dark days of Tamizh cinema when <i>Abbas</i> and <i>Vineeth</i> were considered the next superstars and when <i>Bala</i> was still an assistant to <i>Balu Mahendra</i>. To cut a long story short and to save you some bucks, AYANAAR is a disaster; something which happens when a completely clueless, aspiring filmmaker meets a desperate producer (in this case Thenappan).<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US">Damn you friends who outvoted me! We could have instead gone to <i>Virudhagiri</i> (which I hear is completely taken from Taken ) and had a hell of a time </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Wingdings;">L</span><span lang="EN-US"> We expected a good <i>Aadhi </i>movie but all that we got was a <i>K___dhi</i> movie ( No, not Karunanidhi and I am not that much of a cusser )<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><span lang="EN-US">To be avoided at all costs. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0px;"><br />
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</div>santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-68251961387777927872010-06-13T08:48:00.000-07:002010-06-16T07:44:24.351-07:00The First CrushCrush - Is the word an euphemism for unsuccessful love? Or is it an abbreviation for crushed love? Are all things with the name <i>Crush</i> destined to go kaput? - remember that beverages company? Whatever the etymology, I am not a great fan of the word; I prefer <i>muse</i>. Nonetheless, let me take a business class, window seat jaunt by the time machine down the memory lane. Don't expect a six/seven year journey - it is something more like a 20 year one and I am 23 :)<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>It was a time in history when, the great Cold War ended, Rajiv Gandhi was assassinated, India was not yet economically liberalized and a pesky kid's parents decided to put him in kindergarten. My parents always pride on the fact that I was the only kid who was not wailing and throwing tantrums among the 40 odd group, when I joined "Rose Mary School, Tirunelveli". Maybe they won't be so proud if they are aware of the fact that their son was smitten by a pretty girl standing at the class entrance. <br />
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This <i>seno rita</i> happened to be my school Principal's daughter. I was not sure what her age was. I guess now in hindsight to be around 25 (Yes people! I was 3 and she a score older). I am still bleary about what her name was - something like Chitra/Rita, I don't know. But I was as sure as a fish in water about certain things. She wore the most exquisite peacock themed sarees (Or was is it herself?)- of all shapes, varieties and hues. Most of my childhood drawings were centered around peacocks. She also taught me to draw human stick figures and a menagerie of animals ( rat deserves special mention). <br />
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Her smile was one of the reasons I believed in most of the Hindu reincarnation mythologies my parents were shoving down my inchoate brain. You know she could have easily been the Helen of Troy / the Nandini of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ponniyin_Selvan">Ponniyin Selvan</a> in her previous births. It was that kind of smile for which wars were fought and world maps redrawn. <br />
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Scientists say that the initial vital steps that aid in this process called love, happen through the olfactory organ. Her strong, flowery perfume is still fresh in my mind that I bet I can recognize it's odor even now. Maybe it's time they changed the proverbial '<i>Love at first sight</i>' to '<i>Love at first sniff</i>'. I still vividly recollect me popping up unnecessary queries in class like '<i>Miss! I can't open my box</i>','<i>Miss! I cant close my bag</i>' etc., just so that she would be at my side and I could inhale her scent.<br />
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Some of my friends know that I have a huge e..umm..what's the word?..ah..enchantment for Sameera Reddy and Shalini. This, sure as shooting, flows from their bewitching eyes and swarthy complexion - two things they share with my first muse. Face maybe the index of the mind but eyes are the index of the face. Such huge <i>muttaikannu</i> eyes they were - why do people go to temples seeking salvation, when they can just watch her expressive eyes? Take the best of Shalini from 'Alaipayuthe' and spice it up with the best of Sameera and the resulting montage would still not be close enough.<br />
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She was my teacher for the next three years teaching English and Maths intermittently .<br />
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<i>Amma : What did you learn today in school?</i><br />
<i>Me : Ma! I have a doubt </i><br />
<i>Amma : What, lost your rubber again?</i><br />
<i>Me : Illa ma. How long will it be before I become a big man?</i><br />
<i>Amma : Hmmm! Depends</i><br />
<i>Me : On?</i><br />
<i>Amma : If you eat all the greens in your lunch box and don't lose a crayon a day it will take some 15 years</i><br />
<i>Me : 15? That number after 14? F**K</i><br />
<i>Amma : Come again?</i><br />
<i>Me : No ma. New word. They taught in school. Can I not become old </i><i>now, right </i><i>here, right </i><i>now?</i> <br />
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Annoyed by my insistence, Amma looks up with a suspicious glance.<br />
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<i>Amma : NO. I guess you have to wait</i><br />
<i>Me : Ok! But after 15 years, will you remain the same age or will you get old too?</i><br />
<i>Amma : Gawd! We thought sending you to school would cure your questioning-on-trigger disease. It has only got worse.</i><br />
<i>Me : Never mind ma. FOLK.</i><br />
<i>Amma : What?</i><br />
<i>Me : FOLK - that was the new word they taught.</i><br />
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Amma sheds her cynical look and happily proceeds to hear his son's overinflated version of his exploits that day. Phew! <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/TBT68rNmhnI/AAAAAAAABM8/k73qDWqqZ9g/s1600/orange.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/TBT68rNmhnI/AAAAAAAABM8/k73qDWqqZ9g/s320/orange.jpg" /></a></div>But for her and Amma, I would have never learnt to dream big or expand my mental horizons. I think she narrated Alice in Wonderland and some Roald Dahl(that chocolate factory guy rite?) for us, but not sure. She would give a rupee as a prize money for students who answered the occasional grammar questions she tossed in her classes. I remember winning many such one rupees which I would later spend on ice creams, though she encouraged us to save that money. I wish I had done that - it would have made an excellent memorabilia. I used to read my textbooks (only her subjects) in advance, so that I can answer her questions before some Arun, Gowtham or Vinayaga beat me to it. She even arranged for cartoons (Pink Panther, Mickey Mouse) to be screened in the library occasionally (pre-cable TV era). This golden age could have gone on forever if not for ., <br />
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<i>Me : Why da English miss dint come for the last few days?</i><br />
<i>X : You donno baai? she marry soon. So only not come (he blabbered in spoiled English)</i><br />
<i>Me : What the hell for? I mean, why do people get married? </i><br />
<i>X : He..he..small baai. Ithu kooda theriyaathu? (Dunno this itself?) So that she can have babies</i><br />
<i>Me : Oh! I am just curious. What is all this baby matter? Aren't we 40 babies already?</i><br />
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I tried hard to put up an ignorant face. <br />
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<i>X : No idiot. She want own baby. Don't tell you dont know that angels deliver babies to women only if they married</i><br />
<i>Me : (suppressing my giggle) Yeah, I know that. Will she come back after her marriage?</i><br />
<i>X : No. She moving to America </i><br />
<i>Me : F**K</i><br />
<i>X : What?</i><br />
<i>Me : That's the name of the angel that delivers the babies to their mothers.</i><br />
<i>X : Yeh bai! I dint know that only</i><br />
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X runs away to his group of friends determined to flaunt his newly acquired knowledge on angels and demons. Poor kid! All he needed to know was two more alphabets, 5th & 19th ;) <br />
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As she was taking a flight to the USofA, a lot many doyens of capitalism were flying from America to India to increase their bank balances. India was liberalized and a tiny Indian heart was devastated. America to me, after this incident, became kind of a place where all the good people managed to end up finally and I wanted a piece of that mystical land, where people dint litter & spit in public places. This opinion has changed of late though. A lot many girls after her- this time of appropriate age group- had perfectly slipped in to her shoes, keeping that fountain of inspiration flowing continuously. Salute to ye all! <br />
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It has been 18 years and I have not seen her since. Maybe she has teenage kids she can call her own "babies". Maybe she came back to India. Maybe she never went to America in the first place. May be that song <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVFS-jOXSZ8"><i>"Oru ooril Alagae.."</i></a> was inspired by one of Gautham Menon's childhood muses. Maybe <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1ximOcIGGc"><i>"Poetry in motion"</i></a> was written for someone like her. I may never know. But one thing I know for sure: Years later, when my hypothetical children ask me for the definition of the words 'grace' and 'poise', I know that I will give them a convincing answer. <br />
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The story looks good without any closure, doesn't it? Life mostly resembles an open ended mutual fund with the only end being our last breath. As we further travel towards the final stop, a lot many share a ride with us. However difficult, each have to get down at their respective stops for changeovers to their own destinations and its only logical you let them. I can pride myself on the fact that I always let go. Some girl with the same destination as mine may find me in this journey and possibly we will share a laugh or two, grow old together, sitting by the window seat of this time machine we all seem to be trapped in. <br />
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P.S:<br />
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* Since childhood is in a land far far away, most of what we hold as memories about that part of our lives is predominantly suggestive - yours truly included. Most of my retentions about my first muse are hazy and might be prone to some interpolations. Only the italicized dialogues are completely true as it is well known that 5 year kids from early 90s used the F word profusely and had a wonderful cognizance about which courier service delivered babies to women :P <br />
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* Even though before joining kindergarten, I had asked a girl's mom to marry her daughter to me (not a hyperbole and the victim was 2 years older than me) just so that I can have all her toys, I have decided not to include that as my first crush.<br />
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* People (read <a href="http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#%21/profile.php?id=1109109205&v=info&ref=ts">Sundar</a> and <a href="http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#%21/profile.php?id=1443652165&v=info&ref=ts">Prasanna</a>) who expected a front row seat to a full scale confession about my adolescent infatuations, I got three words for you: <i>In your dreams!</i> <br />
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*This post is competing in the following contest by Blog Adda ( <a href="http://blog.blogadda.com/2010/06/09/first-crush-stories-blogs">http://blog.blogadda.com/2010/06/09/first-crush-stories-blogs</a> ) though I wanted to write one on this topic for long. So two birds in one stonesantahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-77122175825653874332010-05-21T09:47:00.000-07:002010-05-22T02:02:18.661-07:00NEWSense (23/5/2010)This edition of NEWSense is a complete oligopoly of Cricket, Business and Technology. This ain't breaking news its making news.<b><i> </i></b><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>The Gate Job</b></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S_a4lrmbwLI/AAAAAAAABMY/l59xD9O9XJQ/s1600/woz_gray.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S_a4lrmbwLI/AAAAAAAABMY/l59xD9O9XJQ/s200/woz_gray.jpg" width="166" /></a></div>It was all brotherly love and nostalgia this weekend in Silicon Valley, when good old Stevo teamed up with his old pal Bill to entertain the netizens in a series of <a href="http://www.sadanduseless.com/2010/05/steve-jobs-vs-bill-gates/">comic strips</a>. In order to commemorate their successful 30 year <strike>filching</strike> finishing in Silicon Valley, the duo announced that they are coming up with a new collaborative product called <i>iTrouser</i> - complete with <i>iZip</i> and <i>iPockets</i>. While Apple came up with the name and the design, Microsoft provided the tailors <br />
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This revolutionary, groundbreaking, game changing, innovative, magical (the usual Jobsian adjectives) will be available for sale this fall. Initially, this garb has been made compulsory for all Apple employees as it is said to have a new feature which sends out an alarm whenever a german beer addicted Tom, Dick or <i>Gray</i> misplaces his future. <a href="http://tasmac.tn.gov.in/Mrp.htm"><b>TASMAC</b></a> has been awarded the retail rights of this product in India due to umm., you know, the obvious - a bit of both Microsoft & Apple in it's name - <b>DOS</b> & <b>MAC</b>. Both averred that this pant's accessories will not have any third party support like <i>Viking / Jockey</i>- only Apple's <i>iShorts</i> is allowed.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Catholic Church brings glory to England at last : Church of England Dissolved</b></span> <br />
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The Pope (who else? Mr.Benedict) issued an official decree claiming that it was indeed Catholicism that won the cricket world cup for England this year. His preposterous logic was that the Brits had finally kicked Mr.Brown, a Protestant, out of Downing St. and replaced him with a more Catholic - David Cameron.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S_a1ioxX1lI/AAAAAAAABMQ/cYXkhmtUktQ/s1600/Pope_Benedict_XVI.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S_a1ioxX1lI/AAAAAAAABMQ/cYXkhmtUktQ/s200/Pope_Benedict_XVI.jpg" width="200" /></a></div> "<i>Catholics are God fearing, bed time Bible reading, Sunday church going, child molestation charges dismissing, tithe paying, broad minded Christians. That is why the holy spirit ( pauses to clarify that it is not Johnny Walker he is alluding to ) has showered them with world cup honors</i>", he said.<br />
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When a <i>Rooters</i> correspondent correctly pointed out that Mr.Cameron was not a Catholic, the Pope's escorts had him bundled up and shipped off to a remote Bulgarian village, where our inside sources say that he will be treated under the special care of celibate and estrogen starved priests.<br />
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"<i>Any other scribe wants to see Bulgaria?</i>". Every reporter was out of Vatican in the next flight.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>ECB <i>Modi</i>-fies cricket</b></span><br />
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Mr.Lalit Modi has refuted the Pope's claims and has announced that England won the world cup only because of him. You feel like slapping him on the face, right? We feel too. Here was his weird logic, which we hate to admit, made sense. See, he invented the IPL; he formulated the 4 foreign players limit; in fact he devised everything in cricket. England followed the rule to the very last word and fielded 4 foreign players in their squad - <a href="http://www.timeslive.co.za/sport/article452876.ece/South-Africans-star-in-England-T20-win">3 proteas and 1 Irish</a>., which enabled them to win the world cup. He pointed out that no other team followed his 4 aliens rule, only England did.<br />
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He added that to fete his contributions, ECB has invited him to be on its governing board to come up with more brilliant ideas to ruin, oops (lispy tone he got you know this Modi) run cricket in England. For the benefit of the yokels who were snoring gloriously during his 4 hour rant (yours truly included) , he was kind enough to give each a 20,000 page book titled <b>Lalit Modi -the man who invented cricket</b>. On a side note, readers might remember that the 50,000 page book he submitted as an assignment during his college days officially holds three Guinness world records for the world's biggest, heaviest and most environment unfriendly book ever.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Sam Anderson rescues General Motors</b></span><br />
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Good news from Michigan. This quarter, General Motors posted it's first profit in 3 years.<br />
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"<i>The new GM has already arrived. We are no more that sluggish old beast. We are new, agile and aggressive. Sales last quarter have soared mainly due to exceptional demand for the new model of cars designed by our newly hired chief designer Mr. Sam Anderson.</i> " said CEO Ed Whitacre in a conference call with analysts.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S_az8XhInRI/AAAAAAAABMI/0g4wEbnOb0M/s1600/sam_andy2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S_az8XhInRI/AAAAAAAABMI/0g4wEbnOb0M/s320/sam_andy2.jpg" /></a></div>"<i>Its rare to find superstars like Sam. They are rarer than honest politicians. More new projects are on the pipeline under his inspirational and visionary leadership . What's good for GM is good for America</i>", he beamed.<br />
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When pressed by the press to reveal more details, he said that the new car will be a compact car- <i>chinna model car</i> to use Sam's words - cheaper than the Nano. Be afraid Mr.Tata. Be very afraid; Sam <i>henry-ford-reincarted </i>Anderson is here. Btw, people who are not aware of who this guy is, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F40kxDMJdbI&feature=related">click this youtube link</a>. Language is not a barrier to understand this automobile genius. He unveils his revolutionary <i>chinna model car</i> design at the 36th second of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_rEQJ6pC8c">this video.</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>It's deja-vu all over again</b></span> <br />
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Everybody, no matter what - rich or poor, stupid or smart, X or Y - has his/her <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yogi_berra#Quotes"><i>Yogi Berra</i> <i>moment</i></a> in life. So, <i>here are some of the two quotes we managed to find this fortnight</i>. Oh! Wait.<br />
<br />
<div class="ciquoteheadtext" style="color: black; margin-top: 0px;"><b><i><img alt="" border="0" height="10" src="http://i.imgci.com/espncricinfo/ciColumnist_leftquote.gif" title="" width="14" /> If somebody is saying behind me that somebody tore my shirt then what can I say. I didn't even take any shirt to West Indies. I had taken only t-shirts. <img alt="" border="0" height="10" src="http://i.imgci.com/espncricinfo/ciColumnist_rightquote.gif" title="" width="14" /> </i></b><br />
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- Ashish Nehra's irrefutable defense to the pub brawl indictment.<br />
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<b><i><img alt="" border="0" height="10" src="http://i.imgci.com/espncricinfo/ciColumnist_leftquote.gif" title="" width="14" />The most popular activity in Gmail is sending emails <img alt="" border="0" height="10" src="http://i.imgci.com/espncricinfo/ciColumnist_rightquote.gif" title="" width="14" /> </i></b><br />
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- Google's Mr.Sundar Pichai in Google I/O.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Since this blog cant afford 1000 more words </b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S_ac1gVcILI/AAAAAAAABL4/_bXzBe4DCNE/s1600/cartoon1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S_ac1gVcILI/AAAAAAAABL4/_bXzBe4DCNE/s320/cartoon1.gif" /></a></div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Cartoon from <a href="http://cartoonbox.slate.com/hottopic/?image=72&topicid=2">Slate magazine</a>.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Till the next edition. Tata!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b> </b></span></div>santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-69472274345150941692010-05-15T11:19:00.000-07:002010-05-17T04:26:56.725-07:00MBA - Mostly a Big Ass<b>Disclaimer:</b> <i>This is my first attempt in writing a fictional story. So this post is prone to lots of slips (read misplaced commas, imperfect words, dumb writing style etc..,). I promise to improve as time goes by. Do welcome all your suggestions except "Stop writing"</i>.<br />
<br />
<i><b>Day: 2/12/20xx</b></i><br />
<i><b>Time: 9:00 am</b></i><br />
<b><i>Location: None of your business</i> </b><br />
<br />
The leitmotif from that terminator movie was buzzing inside my ears. My olfactory cells were picking up the odor of a weird concoction - sweat, blood and adrenaline all at once. I was walking in a gingerly fashion towards the building with my mind eye following me from my back. I was focused and keen as ever. I had trained myself to be that way in the past few months. I was waiting, like a tiger for its prey, ready to pounce and gorge on the slightest notice. The time for the hunt had arrived and the quarry was in sight. December the 2nd was the day - today.<br />
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I looked sideways. The path was strewn with my enemies whetting their own weaponry. Numbers were floating around in the air, formulas and equations were being test fired, prayers were being offered to the Gods with the hope that they would be on their side in this <i>Mahabhartha Yuth</i>. Little did they know that though He may choose sides He only serves as a chauffeur not as your main artillery piece. The armored divisions and the reserve forces have to be summoned by your own will and might.<br />
<br />
Despite my mind urging me to stay the course, I wanted to size up my opponents - these mortals of lesser souls (You need that attitude if you are here to win). As the great Sun Tzu said, <i><b> "Any battle is won before it is even fought"</b></i>. Not many read Sun Tzu nor do they intuitively understand what he desired to say. So it is essential as a rule of thumb to sort out the mules from the thoroughbreds, those who were standing between me and my destiny; those who dreamed their own dreams; those who were mindful to summon their own legions. <br />
<br />
My disciplined mind got curious.<br />
<br />
'<i>Know who they are?</i>', it asked.<br />
<br />
<i>'Who?' </i><br />
<br />
'<i>They are the time traveling machines unleashed by skynet</i>', it whispered.<br />
<br />
'<i>Skynet?</i>'. I drew a blank.<br />
<br />
'<i>Yeah! Skynet? Terminator? Arnold? Cameron? Hello</i>'<br />
<br />
'<i>Oh.. Not my fault. You were the one who never let me watch any movies for the past 6 months. I see only numbers, formulas and word lists. Remember? We are at war</i>'<br />
<br />
'<i>Yes! War. A unique war. A war fought with an unknown enemy, an evil force denying you a better future. Take a look around! Among this crowd is a terminator hiding inside a completely innocuous body. He is looking for you, just as you are for him. Remember John Connor..', </i>it was now addressing me as the legendary hotshot<i>, ' ..kill or be killed. Failure is not an option</i>'<br />
<br />
Perfect. My mind is trying to spruce me up by drawing parallels between my MBA entrance exam and a historic science fictional war. A losing side, an overwhelming enemy, an improbable victory - what else do you need to be a brave knight?<br />
<br />
'<i>But?</i>' I protested.<br />
<br />
It questioned petulantly, '<i>But what?</i>' <br />
<br />
'<i>Should harboring the same dreams as mine make them my enemies? How do I even know that I am indeed the hero of this story? Why can't I be one of those machines unleashed by skynet? See! there is not even a damsel in distress</i>'<br />
<br />
'--------'. No reply<br />
<br />
'<i>Anybody there?</i>' I yelled repeatedly until my echos drowned in a valley of silence. There was no answer. My mind has done what it does best; fled the battle exactly when it knew it was losing. Great disciple of Sung Tzu it is.<br />
<br />
And then it happened. A breeze of jasmine essence wafted through the air and into my nose and filled my heart and soul with its fragrance. Impossible. I had trained my mind to sniff only on brain sweat. Jasmine? Out of question. But there she was - an angel from heaven - punching a hole through every male heart in that expanse, her glistening eyes evoking memories of an assault rifle. I use this highly cliched metaphor because I cant afford to use my mental reserves to toil on such trivialities and also indeed she was exactly what I described - an angel from heaven. By eyeballing her I could tell she fell in the 22-26 category, which means that Christmas has arrived early by 23 days. But angel was highly distressed about something. She was very nervous and was nagging her friends persistently about something. Everyone seemed helpless to solve her problem. Instinctively, I tuned my radar(read ear) in her direction for better reception( Ditch that concentration crap)<br />
<br />
' <i>What's the heron's formula? Why the hell no one seems to know the answer?</i> '<br />
<br />
Ha! Damsel in distress. My moment and I , this knight in shining armour, knew the answer. <br />
<br />
'<i>Told you. You are John Connor and the only weapon you need is self-belief </i>', my mind completely startled me with that repartee.<br />
<br />
But it was making sense. Without a question, I nodded in approval. The machines must be crushed; the aliens and time travelers must be corralled and guillotined. They deserved a traitor's death. With a belligerent mood, I started moving towards her - the direction of my future.<br />
<br />
<i><b>Day: 2/12/20xy</b></i><br />
<i><b>Time: 10.00 am</b></i><br />
<i><b>Location: Hell</b></i><br />
<br />
<br />
The requiem from that Forrest Gump movie was buzzing inside my ears. My olfactory cells were picking up the odor of a weird concoction - chalk, paper, adrenaline, all at once. I was walking in a gingerly motion towards the building with my mind eye following me from my back. I was dull and sullen as ever. I was rendered thus by the incessant lectures and the never ending powerpoint presentations in the last few months. The professor was waiting, like a tiger for its prey, ready to pounce and gorge on the slightest notice. The time for his hunt had arrived and I was the quarry. December the 2nd was the day - today.<br />
<br />
I was supposed to be giving my presentation on <i>Integrated Treasury and Risk Management</i>. As usual I had overslept and was late to class. Add to that, a half complete presentation and a notorious professor, everything bespoke an epic failure. I tried to retrieve atleast part of my half-baked work from my brain so that I could at least bake the other half impromptu. <br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>'Held-to maturity...umm...Investment fluctuation reserve...Call risk...hmmm...sh*t...</i>'<br />
<br />
'<i>Come on! Its getting late</i>', I hurried. <br />
<br />
'<i>Ok! Its official</i>', it declared.<br />
<br />
'<i>What is?</i>'<br />
<br />
'<i>You are really really screwed today</i>'. Sounded as official as that the sun rises in the east.<br />
<br />
'<i>You know what? This whole MBA thing is highly overrated along with that terminator crap you fed me a year ago</i>'<br />
<br />
'........'. Sun Tzu's disciple had disappeared again. <br />
<br />
<b><i>Date: 2/12/20xx</i></b><br />
<b><i>Time: 9:30 am</i></b><br />
<b><i>Location: Heaven </i></b><br />
<b><i> </i></b><br />
<br />
<b><i>Me:</i></b><b><i> '</i></b><i>Actually, the heron's formula for calculating the area of a triangle is as follows<b>..'</b></i><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-6_AghBi3I/AAAAAAAABLw/nKMON923X6I/s1600/herons.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-6_AghBi3I/AAAAAAAABLw/nKMON923X6I/s320/herons.PNG" /></a></div><br />
<i><b>Angel: '</b>Thanks Baiyaa (brother). Even my boyfriend over there dint know the answer'</i><br />
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<i><b>I am allergic to jasmines since that day.</b></i><br />
<br />
P.S: Blog title credit goes to @vivekg86. Shastangaa namaskaaram & thanks :)<i><b> </b></i>santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-68708120913178355792010-05-13T11:55:00.000-07:002010-05-13T13:12:54.950-07:00The Realty behind WomenWhenever some friend of mine tells me that he saw a <i>homely figure,</i> I cringe. Definitely, this <i>homely girl</i> term has to be one of the worst solecisms in Indian youth parlance; simply because it means plain and unattractive. <i>Traditional girl</i> would be more apt. Didactics apart, last night one of my distant relatives was babbling on the phone about how her daughter-in-law was so homely. On hearing this, I started dabbling with the words - <i>home</i> and <i>girl</i> - which lead me to this post. Having had some pretty decent experience in both these domains, I was soon catching up with my train of thoughts, halting appropriately to write down whatever popped up.<br />
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<b><i>After all, finding the right house is like finding the right partner</i></b>. Agree? In most cases it is. So stay with me as I try to find the <i>Realty behind Women</i><br />
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<b>Similarities:</b><br />
<b></b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-xFEw7L3zI/AAAAAAAABLg/doDtK4aqmdo/s1600/Anniyan_20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-xFEw7L3zI/AAAAAAAABLg/doDtK4aqmdo/s320/Anniyan_20.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><ol><li>Scouting for both, mostly requires the help of brokers(I mean the marriage ones) and both can be sought out in the internet. Both can be acquired without the help of a broker too, but that requires time and effort. On the other hand, it saves money in the form of broker commissions</li>
<li>Both have high maintenance costs and require an army of service crew; beauticians, gynecologists, pediatricians and astrologers in one case; plumbers, electricians, painters and gardeners in the other.</li>
<li>When you change your house you need to pay damage & repair costs. Similarly, when you split ways with your spouse you need to pay alimony</li>
<li>In both cases, if you are not making the right proposals then and there, you may very well lose them to some other guy with brighter prospects.</li>
<li>A good deal is directly proportional to the size of your bank balance.*</li>
<li>Both require the assent of a registrar. And when in trouble both get solved through courts. </li>
<li>You have to change several times before you find the <strike>ONE</strike> HALF. </li>
<li>Finally, as days go by; as both grow old; you start loving them more than ever. Or is <i>inurement</i> the word? :)</li>
</ol><b>Differences: (This section is more fun )</b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-xAu0V6RgI/AAAAAAAABLY/Zy3XGPcX00I/s1600/Hyperbola1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-xAu0V6RgI/AAAAAAAABLY/Zy3XGPcX00I/s200/Hyperbola1.gif" width="164" /></a></div><ol><li>After man got civilised, he started owning more than one house simultaneously. Whereas..:( Also you can call the second house as a big house but you can call your second wife only as <i>chinna veedu </i><i> </i></li>
<li>You want your house to be as big and your partner to be as slim; as possible.</li>
<li>One is mostly square in shape and stays that way till the end while the other mostly resembles a hyperbola and as time goes by becomes round.</li>
<li>A house can be shared with a friend, but ..,</li>
<li>You are put up in your house while on the other hand you have to put up with your girl </li>
<li>You can build your own house but you can't manufacture your ideal girl</li>
<li>You are the master of one and the slave of the other </li>
<li>Some one else can claim your house as his, but the other possibility is highly unlikely </li>
</ol><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-xHDYo7IaI/AAAAAAAABLo/6FiBtnYSMms/s1600/chethouse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-xHDYo7IaI/AAAAAAAABLo/6FiBtnYSMms/s320/chethouse.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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*No offense ladies - not meant to be pejorative. I think there is nothing wrong in a girl looking for a rich man apart from obvious expectations like intelligent, kind, lochinvar-ish etc., Perhaps, we all know as a fact that all living beings, of either sex, are very much hard wired at microscopic levels. A woman intuitively and inadvertently looks for the strongest (in modern terms richest) and hence the safest mate to rear her children; while a man looks for the prettiest and the most attractive. Its in the blueprint. And this is what has enabled all species to perpetuate. Though in some backdrops(read human eccentricity), this postulate doesn't necessarily hold true, in most cases it does hold water.<br />
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<b>Trivia update:</b> I am including this only because my friend is insisting. He says <i>Bungalow</i> means a small cottage and hence the word <i>a</i> <i>big bungalow </i>is an oxymoron too. <i>There friend!! I have included it in the post. Happy? So now go to sleep</i>. Another friend points out that the word <i>homely girl</i> actually transfigured from <i>comely girl</i>. Also readers! Include other similarities and differences that my train of thought may have missed. <br />
<ol></ol>santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-47614727391464168562010-05-11T02:11:00.000-07:002010-05-15T00:10:04.435-07:00Justin Bieber Trending mystery demystifiedIf you had not been working for the US govt on some top secret project in Area 51, you should have pretty much known about this gadfly which goes by the name Justin Bieber. He seems to be an eternal unfixable bug in twitter's "now trending" feature. Intrigued, I got into some digging on a weary Sunday afternoon, to answer the question in every netizen's mind "What makes Justin Bieber tick?". And guess what! Eureka!!<br />
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<b>Click on picture twice to zoom</b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-mCYLBBVOI/AAAAAAAABK4/tj6s52RENsU/s1600/final.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-mCYLBBVOI/AAAAAAAABK4/tj6s52RENsU/s640/final.jpg" width="444" /></a></div><br />
<b>Update:</b> Twitter squashes the bug. <a href="http://mashable.com/2010/05/14/twitter-improves-trending-topic-algorithm-bye-bye-bieber/">Click here</a><br />
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P.S: 1)I sincerely don't want to breach the sanctity of sachin. But cant help it. Sorry sachin<br />
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2) This blog was done using javascript, to edit my twitter page. Inspired by @krishashok's <a href="http://krishashok.wordpress.com/2007/11/29/facebook-mahabharatha/">Facebook Mahabaratha</a>. The javascript can be found <a href="http://www.fslog.com/2007/01/21/javascript-trick-to-edit-the-page-displayed/">here</a>. Its cool.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-13844221948886007862010-05-07T16:51:00.000-07:002010-05-11T10:15:54.118-07:00NEWSense (9/5/2010)I was thinking long and hard. "Why are you starting this post with such a boring line?" you may inquire. So I refrain from thinking long and hard and instead move on. I have decided the only way to periodically update my posts is well hmmm., have a periodic series of posts presented in a... Never mind. The creative part of my brain is on an indefinite strike. When you have just seen an emotional, lachrymose newsreel in an overwhelmingly <i>Vikraman-ish</i> Indian TV channel, you can have that sort of hangover you know. For the uninitiated, Vikraman is a highly skilled auteur in the Tamil cine industry capable of making even hardened souls like <i>Auto Sankar</i> and <i>Ted Bundy</i> cry <i>Mummy!</i>, with his revolutionary <i>LaaLaa</i>-bies - a contemporary Bollywood equivalent would be Karan Johar. <br />
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So for people bored of Burkha Dutt, Arnab Please-Go-Swami and the numerous lame ass anchors, I present <b>NEWSense</b> - a fortnightly news update presented through Santa's highly tainted, prejudiced, cynical, fatuous, <b>< insert GRE word 1>, </b><b>< insert GRE word 2> </b> perspective. <br />
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<i><b>Warning: This ain't breaking news, its making news.</b></i> <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-SfserLMCI/AAAAAAAABKc/sumtc-vEBig/s1600/twitter-sachin.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-SfserLMCI/AAAAAAAABKc/sumtc-vEBig/s200/twitter-sachin.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>"<b>Sachin joins Twitter</b>" - Easily the hottest news of this week. So hot that Greenpeace accused Sachin for Global warming. So hot that even the print media did not report it the next day for fear that their newspapers may catch fire <i>(warned you before that the creative part of our brains were dead)</i>. That hot.<br />
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Our reporters say that, Dick Costello <i>(Yeah, that poor guy was named after one of his co-founders</i> :-D ) the COO of twitter was overheard telling one of his colleagues, <i>"Now we own these Indians, totally"</i> doing a high five in the process. CEO Evan Williams said that it was exciting that even Hindu gods have taken to tweeting. When reminded that Sachin was just a cricketer, he laughed it off and quipped "<i>Tell that to the Indians</i>" <br />
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<b>"Millions of Indians join twitter too"</b> - Well, if you had read about the Piped Piper you don't need any further info. Our gossips specialist <a href="http://gilmananda.blogspot.com/">Gilmanandha</a> took in the following conversation between two IT professionals in a food court(Don't worry if cant read Tamil. You are not missing much) ,<br />
<div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy1: Athu enna shutter oh butter oh nu onnu pudhusaa vanthirukaamae, orkut maathiri? Sachin kooda join panni irukkaaraamae?</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy2: Dei athu twitter da</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy1: Etho elavu. Photos upload panalaamaa?</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy2: No</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy1: Videos?</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy2: Unghoom (shakes head horizontally)</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy1: Chatting?</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy2: Chattingum kedayaathu! Datingum kedayaathu!</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy1: Appo vijay padam maathirinu sollu. Complete waste </i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy2: Dei appadi illa. Athula join panaa Sachin eppo thoonguraaruuu, eppo pal theikuraaruuu, enna saapiduraaruuu ( pause after every ...uuu) ithelaam therinjukalaam da. Very informative you know.</i></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Guy1: Vellakaaran moolaye moola da. Eppudilaam kandu pudikuraanuga paathiyaa? Kandipaa join panraen da. Itha vutta namakku vera enna periya vela irukka poguthu?</i></div><br />
<b>"Russians celebrate their historic victory over Germany in World War-II"</b>- If you had managed to pass your high school history papers you would have known that Stalin defeated Hitler this week some 65 years ago. No schmucks! Not in X-Box. In real battle. Let me rephrase. Russians kicked the hell out of the Germans when they had a disagreement over which was better- beer/ vodka. And vodka won. Understood? <i>"Beer any day</i>" says our Chief Editor <i>Santanandhaa a.k.a Santa. </i><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-SduBN8DeI/AAAAAAAABKE/r-pEjA-d-5Q/s1600/stalins.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-SduBN8DeI/AAAAAAAABKE/r-pEjA-d-5Q/s320/stalins.jpg" /></a></div>In another surprising development the Cheap Minister of Tamil Nadu Mr.Karunanidhi congratulated Russia in a historic <i>Semmozhi</i> press conference. He also added that Stalin -the younger son of his eldest wife - should be made the mayor of Moscow since he had helped the Russians win the war. Wait. What? (If you have any doubts take a look at the picture and spot six differences. We bet you cant) He further stated that TASMAC brandy was way better than German Beer/Russian Vodka, a statement he later retracted owing to severe backlash from beer loving young men like our editor. <br />
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<b>"</b><b>West Indies Cricket Board colludes with Major League Baseball" </b>- Our sports correspondent <i>Normal Sekhar</i> reports from some weird Caribbean island called Bar"badass",<br />
<br />
<i>"We as cricket fans know what cricket is. Cricket is a game which is played in a stadium where the MRF blimp hovers, which we also know is at the forefront of technology. But shockingly, when I attempted to find the BLIMP in this godforsaken place, all I found was the local </i><i>balloonwalah selling some shoddy inflatables. My sources tell me that this is an attempt by the imperialist regime of the USofA and Major League Baseball to stymie the growth of cricket by disguising baseball with cheerleaders and passing it off as cricket. I can assure you that this notion has fallen, face flat. We Indians want our blimp & cricket back - clear and loud"</i><br />
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<b>"More WCT2O</b>" - The Indian team has hired world renowned meteorologist Mr.Ramanan to predict the whimsical visitations of Lord Varuna, whom we have learned is a huge fan of cricket in the Caribbean. IBM has also designed a new Supercomputer to aid Dhoni in his complex Dockworth-Lewis calculations.<a href="http://www.cricinfo.com/page2/content/story/458631.html"> Our fellow reporters in cricinfo think that cricket helps you crack tough entrance exams like CAT, which we think is correct</a>. In more worrying news, we hear that Yuvraj Singh is injured and is out of the T20 squad<i>. </i>Captain Dhoni said,<br />
<br />
<i>"Its a severe loss to the team's body mass. Two sumo wrestlers from Japan have been named as his replacements to maintain the status quo that we are indeed the heavyweights of this tournament"</i> <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-SfKcV0CUI/AAAAAAAABKM/ptDHZGbi104/s1600/gordon-brown-404_667800c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S-SfKcV0CUI/AAAAAAAABKM/ptDHZGbi104/s200/gordon-brown-404_667800c.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><b>"Gordon Brown wins the British elections"</b> - Haha! If you believed that then you are not only a April fool but a year long fool. We at <i>NEWSense</i> are awesome pranksters no?<br />
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<b>"Indian parliament makes history"</b> - India created history today by becoming the only nation in world democracy to have all it's question hour and discussion sessions of it's Parliament postponed. Opposition MPs were cribbing about the lack of western toilets in their lavatories and marched towards the LS speaker demanding that their loo maintenance be outsourced. Another set of MPs postulated that Mr.Raja , the telecom minister, knew nothing about spectrum and that he should resign. Mr.Raja retorted that he knew more about spectrum than anyone else. He recited the VIBGYOR acronym and went to blabber about his high school physics experiments with prisms and light.<br />
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That is all the news we at <i>NEWSense</i> managed to make this fortnight. Maybe if the editor-in-chief Santanandhaa manages to find time from his busy, hectic schedule, we will keep publishing.<br />
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P.S. I am a total teetotaler and refrain from alcohol, meat, cigars, pot, girls and all things worth enjoying in life. The reference that I am a beer lover is only to make reading interesting. <br />
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P.P.S: The P.S. is required since my mom has become more of an inquisitive web surfer nowadays :)santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-41731768305323879512010-05-01T15:49:00.000-07:002010-05-09T04:46:52.998-07:00The "Not Blogging For Long" ITCHIts been a while since I posted anything on my blog. I usually pen down or rather type down my random whimsical thoughts and save them as drafts to be polished, refined and if passed muster to be published. Mostly very few reach the final stage. This one barely did. Why this beating around the bush? Lets come to the point. <br />
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See, my friends tell that I am a walking Wikipedia (pardon the bragging). Not that I am. Just that I am a fast googler. I am master of only one trade i.e the trade of being the jack of all trades. So I thought "Why not spread the wisdom and make the world a better place?". Ok! That statement was an overkill. Never mind. So here I present to the wannabes a compendium of tips, tricks and shortcuts, to be imbibed into any idiosyncratic group. Any except one, which I will mention towards the end.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S9yursSo7OI/AAAAAAAABJs/oY3ZBkAUiBU/s1600/napolean.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S9yursSo7OI/AAAAAAAABJs/oY3ZBkAUiBU/s200/napolean.jpg" width="170" /></a></div><b>1) The History Mob? </b><i>No problemo amigo</i>. Know about some Russian and German cities. And do remember that Hitler was a bad guy and Gandhi was as holy as Jesus. The trick is to call only the losers as bad guys and you will be immediately at home.<br />
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<b>2) The EPL soccer junkie?</b> Again a walk in the park. You just need a good database of swear words and a knack for permuting and combining these words to arrive at insane compound cuss words. Practice is the key. Also you should be able to pull numbers and statistics out of thin air and should be able to say with ease things like, <i>"Yeah dude</i><i>(use of this word is a must) Ronaldo should have been bought for 200mn f!@#ing euros and not for 300mn f!^%ing euros</i><i>"</i> . A knowledge of Spanish is a plus, which helps you pronounce easily those uncanny Latin American names. Oh! Also, be sure to buy some over priced original club T-shirt for 3000 rupees while you can buy the same in Tirupur for 200 bucks. Or atleast buy it in Tirupur and claim it to be original. I do that only :) (Company secret. Don't reveal!)<br />
<i>Paraphernalia:Hair gel and low rise jeans</i><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S9yvFmPu6WI/AAAAAAAABJ0/DW7EccUDmz8/s1600/friends.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S9yvFmPu6WI/AAAAAAAABJ0/DW7EccUDmz8/s320/friends.jpg" /></a></div><b>3) Then comes the Sitcoms&Hollywood mob</b>: Previously the fad for educated South Indians was Bollywood, but thanks to peer-peer networks, crappier by the day Akshay Kumar movies and advent of the internet its Hollywood and English sitcoms now. Though it seems hard, all you need to know are 3 words - just three words. They are:<br />
1)FRIENDS<br />
2)FRIENDS and<br />
3)FRIENDS.<br />
You are through. This works every time like magic. Just say this mantra whenever you are in trouble spicing it up with the occasional Aniston, Phoebe etc., and so soon they will think you are one amongst them.<br />
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<i>Paraphernalia: An external hard disk with at least 250GB memory </i><br />
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<b>4) The nerd mafia</b><b>: </b> As intelligent as they may seem, they are the easiest of the lot to handle.<br />
* Start a blog which no one can read without the help of a dictionary <br />
* Be a linux user (or pretend to be one) and chant "Richard Stallman is GOD".<br />
* Say Microsoft is evil<br />
* Claim yourself to be a Apple fanboy. Say that their latest <i><span style="font-size: small;">i</span>anything</i> is the coolest gadget on planet.<br />
* Wear a black T-shirt <br />
* Nerds think they are cool. So cater to this pride.<br />
* Last but not least, always take pride in saying I'M A NERD. That's it. Pass. Easy, no?<br />
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<b>5) Social networking mob:</b> This newly evolved species is broadly classified into two:<br />
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*<b> The dumb Facebook subspecies -</b> If it's a girl, comment in one of her photos, <i>"</i>Awww! So cute you are in this picture..lolz<i>(mandatory)"</i>. If a boy, say that the last link he shared about the global financial crisis was very informative and that you learnt more from that than from Wikipedia. In short, I am asking you to lie. Case closed. If possible include a display picture with shades and bling, though some may think you are blind. Use with caution.<br />
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* <b>The intelligent Twitter subspecies -</b> Get a good joke book or get a smart brain or better leave twitter.<br />
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So there you go fellas. I have shared all the tricks of the trade and from now on, hopefully, all you idiots wont be one trick ponies anymore and I wont have the guilty feeling that I have not blogged for a month. Almost forgot. Finally ,<br />
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My biggest nemesis - <b>the POP MUZIK syndicate</b>. My efforts to breach the walls of this gang has so far been BANG! Though all the above fore mentioned mafias have their own <i>holier than thou </i>air about them in their own way, this one's holier-than-thou-ness is one of the worst. I was once almost dumped from a group for answering the question, <i>"Your favorite guitarist?"</i> as <i>"Ilayaraja"</i>. These people start talking about Gilmour, Lennon, Led Zeppelin and other weirdos and I go "<i>Meh..</i>" - like a turkey on thanksgiving, like a Jew in Auschwitz.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S9yvaW9JPWI/AAAAAAAABJ8/JCGay_viZAE/s1600/Pink_Floyd_-_all_members.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S9yvaW9JPWI/AAAAAAAABJ8/JCGay_viZAE/s200/Pink_Floyd_-_all_members.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>I have decided to overcome this shortcoming by listening to Metallica and Pink Floyd recently. Is that the way to go? If yes, give me a list of late-to-barber-shop-by-a-year hippies whom I have to listen to. Is there a secret ingredient? Or should I go old school - country music/jazz - like Johnny Tillotson/Louis Armstrong? Or are there any shortcuts like a list of incantatory words which when repeated would earn me the honor of a headbanger and a kewl rock fan? I am in dire needs and I need your inputs on that. I will be posting more about my flirtations with psychedelic rock in future. Bye, till my sense of not-blogging-for-long guilt catches up with me again.santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-83544264935880555252010-04-16T21:59:00.000-07:002010-04-17T03:00:26.857-07:00MY Bucket List<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S8k10nWDgBI/AAAAAAAABJM/g2o94iv475U/s1600/314549435_85a172e84e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S8k10nWDgBI/AAAAAAAABJM/g2o94iv475U/s200/314549435_85a172e84e.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Have you seen the movie "The Bucket List"? Two terminally ill old men decide to do things they had always wanted to do before they die. Decent movie, but critically panned by reviewers. Ever since watching that movie some years ago, I decided to put a list of my own too. The list has grown like bacteria in a culture medium over these years. But for the sake of sanity I have decided to yank most of them and present only the essential, quirky ones. <br />
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1) Experience zero gravity - I wud be happy if it was a paid trip(assuming I get filthy rich) in some Russian space ship but I would settle for some wind tunnel in some weird science lab. I read somewhere that MIT has a lab for testing zero gravity. So not impossible. All I need to do is somehow become a teaching faculty in MIT and befriend the lab assistant by buying him some free pretzels and doughnuts - a cinch. Oh btw morons, not Madras Institute of Technology. Those bozos cant even afford a decent oscilloscope in their labs. Grapevine says that they are still using computing machines run by vacuum tubes.<br />
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2) Dancing with the penguins in Bird island, Antarctica. Do you know that less people have been to this place than to Mt.Everest? Its the paradise of emperor and macaroni penguins. I want to lose myself in a sea of chirping and tweeting(not the #, @ thing) indifferent gentle creatures far far away from the madding crowd. <a href="http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/william-henry-davies.html"><b>William Henry Davies</b></a> would understand that.<br />
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3) Sky dive some day. As much as I want to enjoy this crazy, no-brainer stunt, I doubt that I would be ever able to jump out of a 2 m wall, let alone from a plane. Blame it on acrophobia.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S8k2EI3ft6I/AAAAAAAABJU/LFLqhQbOW-U/s1600/mel-gibson-in-The-Patriot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S8k2EI3ft6I/AAAAAAAABJU/LFLqhQbOW-U/s200/mel-gibson-in-The-Patriot.jpg" width="140" /></a></div>4) Touch, see and hear Mel Gibson and Kamal Hassan in person. As gay as it may sound, I will stick with this one.<br />
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5) Watch the<i> great migration</i> at the Serengeti in Tanzania. This annual event is one of the most spectacular events on the face of the earth, when millions (hundreds of millions two centuries back) of wild animals migrate towards greener pasture lands. This migration may have inspired man to move along during his early days in Africa and may have even helped him escape the dark continent. Another doable one if I can afford a two way ticket plus expenses to Africa. Travel sites recommend that we should do it with our better half by our sides. Aargh!! Extra baggage. I would feed one half of myself to the lions. <br />
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6) Go scuba diving with dolphins in some remote tropical island. This should feature pretty much in the list of anyone who thinks dolphins are the cutest living creatures. <br />
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7) Hike the Appalachian trials and The Himalayas. This is one thing that I can get done for sure, IF, (a big "if" that is. Assume the font size to be in the order of exponentials) I had the physical and mental wherewithal to survive the hardships of the woods for six months. Yes! you read it right. The Appalachian trial takes six months. The trial runs through the entire Atlantic coast of the US criss crossing through some of the holiest places of the American Independence war. Now you know why I sold myself to this task :)<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S8k2T6w1qEI/AAAAAAAABJc/E7kPJu0HDI4/s1600/1944-overlord-landing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="151" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S8k2T6w1qEI/AAAAAAAABJc/E7kPJu0HDI4/s200/1944-overlord-landing.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>8) Take a cross country tour of Europe covering all historic places of world war II. It includes steering a tank in Prokhorovka, visiting Stalingrad(now Volvograd) and handling a landing craft in Normandy. This task is Prio1. I would even rob a bank to get this done.As if...<br />
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9) Get a pilot's license. Ok!Ok! People I can hear you cursing me. I know I cant even drive a geared 2 wheeler properly. Also I almost killed the road inspector, trying to get my car license. I threatened to stop the car only if he granted me one and he obliged in kind or fear, whatever. But speaking about flying, things change drastically when you are <i>up in the air</i>. No roads to restrict your unbridled navigation plans, no traffic, no honking, no signals, no living-off-signals (couldn't find a better word) beggars and best of all, no traffic police. See, I am an optimist. F-22 raptor it is. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S8k-sxDMSjI/AAAAAAAABJk/GK90_5j_Rjw/s1600/dolphins1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S8k-sxDMSjI/AAAAAAAABJk/GK90_5j_Rjw/s200/dolphins1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>10)Travel in a submarine to a shipwreck. Yeah I saw titanic - hundred times.<br />
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Having read the list, you may harbor a doubt that somehow that you have been accidentally redirected to some billionaire's travel itinerary. But let me tell you what the world's greatest philosopher a.k.a. <a href="http://images.google.co.in/images?q=joseph%20vijay&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi">Joseph Vijay Chandrasekar</a>( I love to hate him) said in one of his punch dialogues in one of his trash movies,<br />
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<i><b>"If you seriously want something, then the whole world will help you get that thing, somehow"</b></i> <br />
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Oh wait. It wasn't Vijay. Never mind. The point is that the whole world esp., you friends (facebook, twitter, foursquare, second life and also first life) must somehow help me satisfy my selfish fantasies by donating your hard earned money to this noble cause. In return, you will always have my unfailing trust and <strike>flattery</strike> friendship for the rest of your boring lives in this mortal world. I accept travelers' cheques, DDs, visa card, master card and even ration card. And do remember!! <b><i>Helping me fulfill my bucket list should be Prio1 in your bucket list.</i></b>santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-37036083561963455482010-04-07T19:58:00.000-07:002010-04-07T20:25:45.131-07:00Paiyaa? Poda Goyaa!!<i><b>In a line: After seeing this movie you would think that even vijay's movies are better.</b></i><br />
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The only reason I made up my mind to watch this movie was Karthik and Balaji theatre ( and also the constant nagging of Ritchie and Commanderji of course) and what a huge disappointment? Another pathetic movie in which the talented Karthik has wasted his time on. Why did he chose to act in such a besotted movie? So besotted you would think that Villu and Aegan were far better. The cost of watching this movie are:<br />
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1) Price of the ticket - 100 in bangalore, 50 elsewhere <br />
2) Peace of mind <br />
3) Loss of 3/4 valuable hours and<br />
4) Bad aftertaste<br />
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<b><i>Dumbest script of Tamil cinema yet:</i></b> <br />
Such a script could have been written only by a guy with very low IQ levels - predictable, cliched and downright boring - the lowest of the slimiest drivel from Tamil cinema. The only way they can show the <i>feelings</i> of the boy for the girl are through slow motions. They revert to slow motion sequences almost every time the hero sees the girl .i.e approximately once every 5 mins or roughly 30 for the whole movie. If all the SM sequences were to run at normal speeds then the movie would have been only 1 1/2 hours long. It requires chutzpah on behalf of Lingusamy to put a placard at the end of the movie - "<i>A film by Lingusamy</i>" - claiming full credit or rather responsibility for the <strike>movie</strike> fiasco.<br />
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As towards the end of the movie karthik tells Tamanna "<i>Yaarum vara maatanga</i>" (no will come) in reference to the villians, you cant help but think "Yeah!! you at least got that part right mate. No will ever come for such a movie". As usual the hero sees the girl and sees her again and again and again and again, all accidentally, in seven f*cking million people strong bangalore within the first five minutes of the movie. The probability of such a thing happening is equivalent to Sankar making a low budget, good script film -NIL. Trust me on this issue - I have sought out girls before and all I ended up finding was Deepika Padukone in a BSNL hoarding.<br />
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<b><i>Horrible casting and characters:</i></b><br />
Its good to have the characters to a minimum - clears away clutter and hinges the attention on the plot and the characters. Lingusamy has taken such a route with disastrous results<i>. <b>Road that should have not been taken?</b> </i>was how <i>Robert Frost</i> would have named his poem if he happened to see this movie. Minimal casts require high skills and quality acting from the actors' part. Doll faces just wont do. Emphasis should be on acting skills rather than pulchritude. Remember <i>Speed</i> and <i>Sandra bullock</i>? SB dint have the prettiest face but she made a lasting impression with her portrayal of a hijacked victim. But, you should have masochistic fantasies to endure tamanna's efforts to act in this movie- purely shitty acting.<br />
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The villians are straight from the "The wikipedia article of stereotyped Kollywood Villians" - all chicken grill munching, long haired, neanderthal styled, dark skinned, 6 foot tall, 100 kg weighing bozos driving hitherto thitherto in their rubber burning Qualis' & Sumos, swearing at top decibel levels - too bad Mr.Lingu!! too bad :( <br />
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I always wanted to be a billionaire sipping my champagne in a chalet in the Alps. But after watching this movie I want to get rich very badly. Rich so that I can pay Lingusamy every month and he doesn't go out trying to make movies. Who knows? Maybe I can get a Nobel peace prize for that :)<br />
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<b><i>Redeeming factors:</i></b><br />
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Though the movie was like cyanide, there were also some redeeming factors during my 3 hour sojourn at the theatre, though nothing had none so ever to do with Lingusamy.<br />
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* The interval - What a relief? I have never had so much pleasure seeing the letters I,N,T,E,R,M,I,S,S,I,O,N - the best part of my entire time <strike>spent</strike> wasted in the theatre<br />
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* The crowd - It was Sunday and as usual most of the Tamil bachelor stags of Bangalore thronged Balaji theatre for a nice time. We managed to evoke quite some laughs among the crowds with our wisecracks and that got as going. Most of us were in splits due to the movie (of course unintentionally) or a droll comment from the crowd.<br />
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* The location - Some of the songs were shot very close to our house and we had fun pointing and debating about the locations and about how the shot would have looked better if the view panned out from our balcony or bathroom window :)<br />
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* Cant beat the sleep - Mr.Prathap Reddy of apollo hospitals has signed a MOU with the producer Mr.Dhayanidhi Alagiri, grandson of the TN <strike>cheap</strike> chief minister, to include this movie as part of their treatment for insomniac patients. John Hopkins Medical University has recently published a research article which proves that <i>Paiyaa</i> is better than many sedatives in putting patients to sleep faster and in many cases permanently(Proof: I slept for half hour during the movie despite sleeping for 12 hrs the previous night). Side effects may include nightmares for the rest of your life.<br />
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Enough said!! This horribly (mis)directed movie should not be watched even if they paid you to do so. One more movie like this and Karthik would have wiped out all the credits he earned through <i>"Paruthiveeran"</i>. Is your middle finger aching? If not pull it out and show it to Mr. Lingusamy with abandon.santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-72550717506656369642010-04-04T04:04:00.000-07:002010-05-13T13:30:13.198-07:00Literacy or education ?Nothing comes close to my heart more than education and children. I really love observing young kids - how they learn, unlearn and relearn the ever more amazing world around them? How they adopt and evolve from whimsical kids to trail blazing adults in their society? In short, I have always been searching whether there exists a perfect formula which when applied could explain why we are who we are, and why we cant be who we want to be and also help form a creative, intelligent and open minded society. And the answer I have so far is -<i>"No!! its not instant coffee. There can be nothing like a one syllabus fits all educational system. Such an approach will do to society what fake currencies do to a nation's economy".</i><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S7hyDXUmKCI/AAAAAAAABIE/sOpM7EyGBwM/s1600/Slide8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zxbK4mhJMI4/S7hyDXUmKCI/AAAAAAAABIE/sOpM7EyGBwM/s320/Slide8.JPG" /></a></div>In my notion, a child's mind is the best manager of information overflow. Imagine a new life peeping into this world with so much of a heck to learn from so little of time that is available. Their memory and experience are a wiped clean slate, more like the protangonist of <i>Ghajini</i>. Its kind of like getting stuck in the middle of a "microwave propagation and its properties" class after skipping the initial few - "<i>pure hell</i>" - trust me. Yet the child's brain does an amazing job of programming its neurons, a major part of cognitive development (remember that a child's brain is only half complete when its born, the vital neural networks are formed later after birth) the better networking, the more smart they turn out to be, just like in <b><i>linkedin</i></b>. It just amazes me how they never grow tired of anything around them. If only we could only half as curious as when we were 10 year olds our world would be mch happier and better.<br />
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Though I long believed a major part of our intelligence and acumen comes from genes, many observations have caused me to rethink my idea. I have had the unique opportunity to observe identical twins growing in totally discrete families. The child which grew up in the more educated family inherited the skills of it's pedigree like insanely witty sayings, super good math and science combined with a flair for extra curricular activities. While the other child which grew up in a large family of not so bright people turned out to be the not so brilliant variety acquiring traits like bullying (an aspect of a large family situation where survival of the fittest holds true best) and poor academics. There are countless other examples I can recollect that reaffirm this faith of mine.<br />
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So the principles of the French revolution are here to stay- that all life are created equal, its only their society and milieus that decide whether they will be normal trees or <i>bonsai trees</i>. Its only because the less unfortunate(not exactly in financial terms) are not given enough opportunities to explore. Duck the genes as of now, though I believe it still has a small part to play. Intelligence being so diverse and dynamic, it pains me to think of the current state of education in our country. This was a system designed from the scratch up by the British, for the British but very unlike the British. With a meagre population of 20 million and their hands all over the world map, the british needed a system that would enable them to turn their colonies into bee hives, with them being the drones and queens and the majority of the native population the worker bees. They needed workers who wont think twice and do the job they were told to do - from accounting to clerical and numerous other inane, sycophantic tasks. Schools were created with the sole intent of feeding the massive machinery called the Indian civil, rail and postal services, while the British also simultaneously established schools in hill stations for their own kids with more emphasis on creative, emphirical and observational learning.<br />
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So what was created for the British should have been done away along with the british in 1947. But sadly, our founding fathers were not so sagacious as those of western countries and we still hold on to this rotten system like an overboard man clinging to his lifeline in a raging sea. Physical education is completely ignored. Creative learning is totally stifled and art has been relegated to a level of honour worthy of cockroaches. The kids are told very clear about what matters in their life - MARKS! <i>Mug more! regurgitate more! score more! survive or else</i>. Within the first or second grade every child is segregated into its appropriate group based on its ability to backup and retrieve data. I feel sorry for those other kids of my age who were put into separate <strike>species</strike> classes- like in Aushwitz or Dachau detention centers- and told that they were not similar to those high rank scorers and that it was the end of their life unless they emulated their high scoring peers. Every child's fate is decided in his/her first grade itself. Even the elite group is allowed to pick only amongst two cards - medicine / engineering with more emphasis on the former. I, am one like amarthya sen, who proposes that no exams should be conducted for children till the age of ten, inorder to weed out this harmful practice of segregation, so coveted and touted by schools across India.<br />
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I provide you an anecdote which still pangs my heart everytime I think about it. I had this extremely smart guy who joined my class in seventh grade I think. He came from an unlikely school of thought -the montessori method(similar to the one used by british to educate their kids). He was like a <i>wunderkid</i> -singing, dancing, atheletics, u name it he did it. Yet he managed to trump all the exams with top grades. Girls would just go weak kneed over his intelligence and charm. He looked set like a man ready to take the world on this stride. But the moment he entered his tenth grade he was brainwashed to belive that he would shine like the north star on a dark night if he chose a medical career over others. He infact got into a top medical college in my state with excellent grades. But later I learned that he was more interested in stuff other than biology and to vent this frustration he regularly took to his former hobbies, which dint bode well with the professors who failed him in a final year lab exam (or so i was told). He had to redo the whole year again. Its been 7 years out of school and he isnt a doctor yet. His life is a mess and his hopes about future a ramshackle. A man who could have been the next @vgovindarajan or @aravindadiga or who knows the next @aplusk was consigned to a mundane life just because some wiseass school teacher thought he looked good in white overalls than in a perty shirt. If such is the situation of verstaile high talented children, imagine the situation of those branded at kindergardens as <i>les incompetents.</i> <br />
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To think that such a detrimental system is the backbone of our 1 billion strong human resource conglomerate is very depressing. Its really heartening to see ministers like Mr. Kapil Sibal really put their heart in to reforming education in india, unlike others who are more interested in putting together IPL teams. But success doesnt come with one man's ambitions. A radical rethink is necessary in the way we perceive education. Schools should be completely revamped to foster talent and creativity in addition to rote memory skills. But as the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Drucker">world's wisest man</a> said,<br />
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<b><i>" Ideas dont move mountains. Its the machines that move them. The ideas just say where the machines should go to work"</i></b><br />
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For people more passionate about this topic and also to get better views, I strongly recommend you to watch this incredibly persuasive and brilliant TED video (<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/ken_robinson_says_schools_kill_creativity.html">Do schools kill creativity?</a>) by Sir Ken Robinson. I think if we could somehow make the educational planners of our planet esp india (ministers, teachers, school heads) watch this video they would think twice before doing whatever bullsh*t they are doing right now. It seems that people fail to see the difference between literacy and education and even worse that our leaders have failed to deliver even on the former. The best time to start understanding this is - as with all good things - NOW.<br />
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P.S: A bright neighbourhood kid tells me that my old school has destroyed the last of the remaining play grounds it has, the one in which yours truly scored the highest soccer goals of his class for an academic year, to make way for more class rooms. Physical education has been completely scrapped off the syllabus.santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-50675135991915280292010-03-27T17:32:00.000-07:002010-04-07T20:25:56.113-07:00My first attempt in marrying english & tamil poetry<div><div><div><div><div><div><div><b>Disclaimer:</b></div><div> 1) Its in tamil. So any one who cant read tamil happens to visit this post "I am very very sorry". You guys dont know how lucky you are by not reading this post :)</div><div>2) Have used english at some places as I cant find the right tamil words for these ideas. If i become a celebrity someday this will be called a "revolution" in tamil poetry :)</div><div>3) "All ye language prudes listen!!" This is my first poem (or rather attempt ) so go easy on the horrible mishmash of words and even more terrible எதுகை and மோனை .<br />
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</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>திமிரோடு இருந்தேன்; Seagull ஆய் பறந்தேன்!<br />
கர்வதிலும் தனியாய் உணர்ந்தேன்!</div>தனிமையிலும் "the Seagull" ஆய் இருப்பதை<br />
எண்ணி சிலாகலித்தேன்!!<br />
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Warning இல்லாத சுனாமியாய் வந்தாய்! </div>செவிட்டில் அறைந்தாய். மடையா!!<br />
ரொம்ப துள்ளாதே!! நானும் உன்னைப்போல்<br />
ஒருத்தி தானேன்றாய், கமல் பாணியில்.<br />
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அட! நம் கைரேகை கூட ஒத்துபோகிறது.</div><div>உலகின் கடைசி ஆண் டோடோ பறவை<br />
நான்! கடைசி பெண் டோடோ நீ! <br />
புணர்ந்து இருக்கலாம் தான்! கடவுள் இருந்தால் மகிழ்ந்திருப்பார்!<br />
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என்ன செய்வதம்மா? நான் கொஞ்சம் "Higher"ஆய் <br />
பிறந்திருக்கலாம் ! நீ ஐயர்-ஆய் பிறக்காமல்<br />
இருந்திருக்கலாம். "கடவுள் இல்லையென்பதால் அப்படி</div><div>பிறக்கவில்லை" என்று சொல்லிக்கொண்டோம்.</div><span style="font-size: large;"><br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">" But we both don't take emotional crap from anyone anyways!"</span></i></span></div><br />
நண்பர்களாய் பிரிந்தோம். புரிந்தது போல் <br />
நடித்தோம்! புரியாமல் தவித்தோம்!<br />
அன்றோடு டோடோ இனம் அழிந்தது.<br />
கடவுள் அழுதார், <b><i>"Idiots, Get lost!!"</i></b><br />
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"என்னங்க பண்றீங்க? ". மனைவியின் குரல் கருப்பு சிலேட்டில் கீச்சும் கத்தியாய் செவிட்டை கிழித்தது.<br />
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</div>"Blog பண்றேன்மா!!" <br />
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</div>"Computer பாத்தது போதும். போய் ரேஷன் கடையில பருப்பு வாங்கிட்டு வாங்க!!"<br />
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</div>"Retina test கண்டிப்பா இருவருக்கும் ஒத்திருக்காது" எனக்குள்ளே சொல்லிக்கொண்டு "Publish post" ஐ அழுத்தி Dell ஐ அணைத்தேன்.<br />
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Dell என் மனைவியின் பெயர் இல்லை.<br />
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சுபம்???<br />
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<i>P.S: The "Higher-Iyer" is just for the phonetic rhythm. So please don't make it an issue. But who cares? <b>" I don't take emotional crap from anyone anyways" :)</b></i> <br />
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</div></div></div></div></div></div></div>santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-46711154202123675722010-03-04T17:27:00.000-08:002010-05-09T04:44:03.353-07:00Om Sree sex scandal aaya namaha!! selling hopes aaya namahaa!!!- Part IDisclaimer: Has enough truth which can hurt and question ( if you are open enough ). So please skip this post if you think Vishnu will rescue the souls of the world as Kalki or that Christ is acting in the next Judgement Day movie or if Prophet Muhamad was a ...(please fill in the blanks since Salman Rushdie may get a "fatwa" but later he will get Padma Lakshmi. But I can't take a similar risk) <br />
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Though I have enough thoughts, a wide gamut from religion to politics, which when spilled out in its entirety can send every man in this planet on a wild frenzy for my blood, I tend to reserve my opinions and post only those articles that have passed an entire mental checklist I have created to better elongate my breathing days in this planet. Though I am about to digress from what I am intending to say, please hold on from some more lines or better "<b>goto ESCAPE</b>;".<br />
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* Don't be preachy-preachy and Einsteiny (I have scraped posts ranging from evolution and Alzheimers to terrorism for they were overflowing with xcessive VijayKanthiness ). Doing so, defeats the main purpose of this blog which is to project a me-too-cool machi image and show off a few GRE words I <strike>mugged</strike> know.<br />
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*Don't write anything when you feel angry or sad or even worse when you feel smart.<br />
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*Always be sure to add "*"s and "**"s to escape future libel suits.<br />
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*Run a complete word check for adult and cuss words ('*'s to the rescue again).<br />
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*Finally!! Never write, when you are day-dreaming about Shriya Saran. <br />
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<b>ESCAPE:</b><br />
But some recent events in the murky world of religions, mutts and priests, has prompted me, even at the cost of breaking some of sacred blogging rules of engagement, to write this post which if had been posted a week back, would have incurred a kamikaze style attack on me by the religious Talibans. <br />
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As usual I will start off with some questions. Just try answering these questions as honestly as possible yourself one by one. I am trying as well, parallelly along with you and will give my account at the end.<br />
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Pre-Requisites:<br />
* Your brain should weigh a normal 1.5 kgs<br />
* Your IQ should be above 90<br />
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Q1) Why do you believe in the god you already worship? In short why is it Vishnu/Buddha and not Christ/Allah? ( Don't bullshit me ( and yourself) with cliched stuff like "All god is one for me" kind of filmy lines. If you are a christian you don't go and worship in a temple or a mosque. You prefer the confines of your church and the Sunday hymns and vice versa *)<br />
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Q2) If He is the all knowing God why didn't He(I will try capitalising the 'h' as much as possible) tell us about the galaxies and the numerous milkyways and the extinct dinosaurs and the future computers? Or simply put, why God only discussed only about the <i><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neolithic">post-neolithic</a> and pre-renaissance periods</i> and most importantly why Krishna dint talk about Israel/ Palestine and why Jesus dint talk about Ganges or Indus?<br />
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Q3)Why is it always a He? Why not a She?(ok Hindus, I know you have Parvathi, Saraswathi , Lakshmi and that mythological misfits of numerous Ammans and Kalis and oh-forgot Sakthi, but we are talking about 5/6 th of the world population here.so Sssh! and the only person who <i>amman</i> made rich was Ramanarayanan)<br />
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My grey cells can think of a gazillion questions right now, but that would simply put you to sleep and so once again defeat the purpose. So on we go to the answers my puny little brain has come up with after some 20 years of thinking along the similar lines. <br />
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A1) I, Santa(an engineer) believed (notice the past tense ) Rama and Murugan were The Gods because I was told so from a very early age by Rajeshwari&Nainar(my parents - government employees) who were told so by Govindan,Arumugam,Muthulakshmi and Suppamma( their parents-farmers) who were told so by.. lets roll back by a 3000 years, some Mr.Gaga and Ms.Gugu (ancestors- hunters and gatherers ) who thought the sun revolved around the earth and the earth was flat. Ok cool!! Now thats what I call a definitive proof of existence of Mr.Murugan because we are supposed to respect and believe our all knowing elders.<br />
I have always thought what if i was born in some African tribe in Massai Marra or a Anglo-Saxon family in Germania? Then would I be worshiping a black-igneous rock called Jo-Jo under Mt.Kilimanjaro or some Aryan god in Sistine chapel my parents call Jesus. Is, who the only true God is, more a game of probability rather than fact? We humans always have a fond memory of our carefree childhood and anything attached to those happy days. So its difficult for us to backtrack on what we believed and did religiously as kids. No wonder our childhood hometown is the best place on earth for most of us. <br />
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A2) I can't blame God for not telling us about how he created dinosaurs because he dint. Also Krishna never ventured beyond the Indus and Jesus never talked about China, which in itself limits their knowledge to Indian and middle east geographies respectively- so much for the all knowing God. One argument I hear is God doesn't talk about those who don't believe in him. Seriously? Then he must have one hell of an ego with acts more fitting of a 10 year kid who doesn't talk to the guy who expelled him from the local cricket team.<br />
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A3) Why is it always a 'He'? Simple. I found the answer to this question during the "games" class of my middle school. There were two guys who were the captains of the rival cricket teams. These guys called all the shots. They chose the teams, called the toss, opened the batting, bowled half the overs and fought bitterly over their dismissals. It was always about THEM. So when some wise men decided to answer the universe's unsolved puzzles by creating GOD they naturally tended to make GOD HIM and not HER. But I am proud of the foresight of the Indian God-Creators. Take a look at our cinemas - the presence of a heroine is compulsory, multi-hero movies tend to fare better, more fights maketh a hero super macho and finally some routine song and dance moves is as essential as food,air and water. Keeping in touch with the consumer's veins our ancestors designed a perfect system with many heros (Shiva, Vishnu, Brahma) and their Jodis ( Parvathi, Lakshmi and Saraswathi), cast some poor old Asuraas as villians and finally made Shiva dance to some humming tunes with a peculiar instrument. Hats off- the perfect masala movie!! No wonder, 30% of silicon valley engineers are Indians. <br />
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Since this post has grown a bit too long, I have decided to split it into two or more(hehe, dont be scared). The next section will cover the rapid proliferation of the so-called GodMen like <i>Nithyanandha, Premanandha, BinLaden, Paedophilic bishops etc.,</i>(on why and how they thrive)and their harebrained SishyaKodis. I swear the next post wont be didactic and will be a fun read. Since this post is a bit prophetic, I invite you to vent your anger on, though I prefer open-minded discussions with, me in the comments section. No comments will be deleted (unless very morally degrading or excessive cuss words). Trust me when I say I will be the happiest Homo (<i>who coined the word homo for a species that propagates by being hetero?-yeah I am thinking about Shriya ;-)</i>) sapien on earth if you theists can convince me.<br />
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* - there are of course exceptionssantahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-65794044281965431622010-02-04T01:20:00.000-08:002010-05-09T04:47:33.593-07:00The Man from Earth - A real work of geniusIn a line: To be nominated for the Nobels rather than the Oscars.<br />
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When I die and am in the gates of heaven/hell (suppose), if I am allowed to carry one object from earth along with me to my afterlife, then most definitely, without an iota of doubt, it would be the DVD of the movie, <i>The Man From Earth</i>. Most definitely I would also smuggle <i>Saving Private Ryan</i> with me but that's for a separate post. But even if the advanced scanners and detectors of St.Michael detect my mischief and if forced to comply, then I would give <i>SPR</i> a pass for the sake of <i>TMFE</i> ( please bear with the acronyms) . Because seldom do we come across a one and a half hour movie that has been written(crafted would be apt) by an acclaimed writer (<i>Jerome Bixby</i> - the brain behind <i>Star Trek</i>) for forty years, completed only on his deathbed through oration, with just eight characters throughout the movie, with <i>Beethoven</i> as a musician, filmed within 1200 sq.ft or less, marketed by <i>BitTorrent</i>, a $20,000 budget, no CGIs and yet keep us engaged for the whole 89 minutes. Phew!! I need to go get some water. That's quite an impressive resume.<br />
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The plot is nothing but an extended schmooze between a group of eight colleagues who have gathered in the protagonist, John Oldman's house for his sendoff party. The rest of the group seem intrigued by the fact that John is reluctant to discuss the reason for his sudden departure. This clique of friends are proficient authorities (professors) in their respective fields ranging from anthropology and archeology to christian literature and psychology. As with all experts they always find the answer one way or the other and John relents under their intense prying and opens up. What follows in the next 70 odd minutes, baffles his friends and takes them (also us) on a roller coaster ride from <i>Relativity, Cell regeneration</i> and <i>Buddha</i> to finally <i>Christ</i> , filling every gap in the known and unknown history of mankind. Even <i>Krishna</i>, <i>Columbus</i>, <i>VanGogh </i>and <i>Hercules </i>get to do a small cameo.<br />
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Spoiler Alert: Since the suspense is revealed within the first five minutes, I think it wont be a sin to reveal some truth. Moreover the real deal is the film after the revelation and hence you wont lose anything. Conservatives who believe in the virginity of a film, please skip the rest of the post and watch the movie.<br />
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John reveals that he is a magdalenian cave man belonging to the later cro-magnon period of upper paleolithic (quite a mouthful) culture and that he has managed to survive and remain till now due to maybe, some perfect cell regeneration and waste elimination by his body. He never ages and always looks 35 and whenever his current set of friends find it quite odd that he never gets old, he moves on, changing his identity in the process and thereby avoiding limelight. Sounds unbelievable? If you had been following the news lately you would not be so surprised. Remember <i>Prof. Rama Krishnan</i> - the guy who won the Nobel prize in chemistry and who later regretted winning the medal because we Indians started spamming his mailbox? His work was on telemeres - an advanc...ok!!I will stop. I guess you get it. Without getting too technical, I would point the naysayers to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autophagy_%28cellular%29">this </a>and <a href="http://beta.thehindu.com/opinion/interview/article32562.ece">this</a>.<br />
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He gives a quite convincing explanation for all the questions and queries posed by his friends who initially think of it as a joke. But as the answers sound more and more convincing and plausible some begin to believe him, while the rest become enraged for taking the prank too long. John entrenches himself and destroys the ramparts of theist beliefs with a barrage of facts. Without anymore further disclosure, I would let you enjoy the movie by yourself.<br />
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Usually while seeing a movie, irrespective of good or bad, I look for some catchy, thought provoking lines which I could use for some cheap WOWs in my real life :-). With this movie that job has been become a lot more tougher- Damn! I cant memorize the whole movie :-(. Some interesting selections:<br />
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<i>Edith</i>: Yeah, there's writing on the back of the painting in french. Oh, "To my friend Jacques Borne." Wonder who that was?<br />
<i>John</i> : Someone he knew, I guess.<br />
<i>Harry</i>: Brilliant deduction, sherlock!<br />
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<i>Linda</i>: Were you...I guess... a medicine man?<br />
<i>John</i>: I was a shaman a few times. I revealed some truths to eat a little better.<br />
<i>Edith</i>:You think that's all religion is about...selling hope and survival?<br />
<i>John</i>:The old testament sells fear and guilt. The new testament is a good code of ethics, put into God's mouth by poets and philosophers, that are much smarter than God himself. The message is never practiced. Fairy tales just build churches.<br />
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As our superstar says, "<i>Ithu just trailer thaan ma, main picture neen innum paakkala</i>!!" (This is just the trailer, you haven't seen the whole movie), the whole movie is sprinkled with wise cracks and intelligent repartees, its kind of like a dream date, whatever that is (Megan Fox for boys and ______* for girls?). If you think that was all, there is a nice little romance, very subtle( not the lip locking type) and not very blatant. Also there is a nice little twist towards the end too. Finally at the end of the movie you would get up from your chairs feeling a lot more lighter (except you, <a href="http://www.facebook.com/#%21/profile.php?id=848394207&ref=ts">Gopal</a> ) and atleast a dozen of IQ points smarter. Really!! I recommend you to take an IQ test before and after the movie (not the same questions of course) and tell me how the results show up. I am pretty sure the progress will be palpable.<br />
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And one more thing! Like all pessimistic reviewers, I tried looking for one negative aspect and guess what? I found one. The girls in the movie exist just for the eyeball pleasing factor. One cute young girl (which is a mandatory for any script) has been thrust as a Professor's girl friend and another just does the romancing and the food serving. The cute girl is in fact cuter than Drew Barrymore(see video for proof). Finally there is a female biblical professor who is in no mood for intelligent inquisition and is just peeved by the profanation of Christianity. Why is that is up for debate between chauvinists and feminists.<br />
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* Please choose the right answer: (a) Santa (b) Sandy (c) Lechi (d) I will better go hang myself<br />
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PS: This movie is available in (maybe only) all torrent sites and since the producer himself has thanked peer- peer file sharing networks for their contribution, I don't think it will be illegal to get the movie from there, Yay!!santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-83230131849705704812010-01-25T13:39:00.000-08:002012-06-30T02:52:36.154-07:00"Aayirathil Oruvan" - The cinematic depiction of Selva's Demented mind<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Disclaimer: I have raised the bar of my judgment a bit because I have high hopes for the talented Selva Raghavan. <br />
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In a line: 1/1000. A testosterone spring - to be screened only in a planet where there is no women, children and humanity.<br />
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I am having a bad headache right now, so pardon my memory and my grammar. This is the worst headache I've had since my first semester chemistry labs. Most of you would have guessed by now the reason for my migraine. I just came home after watching "Aayirathil Oruvan" .a.k.a. ATO -<i><b>A</b>ll <b>T</b>ime <b>O</b>paari(death wails)</i>.<br />
<a name='more'></a>ATO is filled with many WTFs - historical, logical, technical... The fact that it belongs to a risky adventure fantasy genre, itself should be sufficient to seal its fate. Many a bollywood and hollywood movies have failed to shine in this <i>road not taken</i>. But Kollywood and Selvaraghavan can take heart that they have fared slightly better in a field that is usually a graveyard for many. The kudos stop at that.<br />
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The audience are treated to a voluptuous, aphrodisiacal flesh show of two buxom ladies (for the lack of a kinkier word) - Reema Sen and Andrea. Girls in this movie just love to strip. If they want to fight each other, they strip and cuss. Attacked by cannibals? No problem. Strip first, shoot next. Discovered ancient ruins? Strip and dance. Hell!! They even strip to prove that they are indeed the <i>chosen ones</i> who have reincarnated to resuscitate the Chola dyansty. Add to that lots of racy, multi-meaning words, and not a single Y-chromosome is complaining ;-) <br />
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The <i>Neo</i> in this script is Karthik Sivakumar. He carries the movie in his shoulders gracefully in the first half. But alas! he also has to carry two hot ladies on his shoulders for most of the movie and the burden is just too much to bear, even for an excellent actor like Karthik. As expected, the movie fumbles in the second half and falls in to a deep abyss. Kollywood can rejoice for having found a gem of an actor. One other actor, who can emote with his eyes as good as him is Mel Gibson. Girls are sure to go crazy over him<b>.</b><br />
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Selva's daredevilry does not substitute for taut screenplay and common sensical directing. The movie is worse than the stickiest <i>Javumithai</i> you had as a child. It drags, droops and plods itself through excruciating boredom and you're left screaming for the break. There is absolutely no logic and it's high time Selva joined the PreKG class of some reputed DAV school of screenwriting. Till then <i>screw</i> your writing !!<br />
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There is<span style="background-color: white;"> no need for so much blood and gore. If you think you can be different from the herd by showing spurting blood and abused women for extended lengths of time, then it is time to fix an appointment with your psychiatrist as soon as possible. There is enough blood in the movie to irrigate the entire Cauvery delta. </span><span style="background-color: white;">There is even an explicit scene where a girl offers blood from her bosom as sacrifice. How the heck did that escape the censors? Why am I not surprised? The reviewers would have walked with a headache, half hour into the movie. </span><span style="background-color: white;">The violence outlives its warrant.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">What good is a </span><i style="background-color: white;">chosen one</i><span style="background-color: white;"> when he does not save his people and runs away? Well that was how the movie started, a young prince escaping a slaughter, to keep the lineage alive. So after two and a half hours of torture, we are back to square one with the caption "</span><i style="background-color: white;">to be continued..</i><span style="background-color: white;">" You kidding me? This isn't some </span><i style="background-color: white;">K</i><i style="background-color: white;">yunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi. </i><span style="background-color: white; color: black;"> Lucky, the producer has burnt all his fingers and wallets. He would soon add a "<i>never</i>" before the caption.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">The tacky CGIs more than make up for the lack of a designated comedian in the script- this reflects the sorry state of the Indian CGI industry and Selva Raghavan can't be blamed for it. The special effects are crude and down right ridiculous. Did I mention hilarious? Ok, I did.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">Finally, the biggest disappointment -GV Prakash. The background music is dull and fails to lift our sagging spirits. Sloppy songs (except "<b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocHMPPOC5Zo">Unn mela aasathaan</a></b>") add to the melancholy. This kid is never going to come near the toe nails of his <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A._R._Rahman" target="_blank">Uncle</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">This movie also has many historical inaccuracies like the leather maps of the Cholas (remember cows are holy and so no leather), trebuchets (an medieval European siege weapon) and acupuncture, but I am willing to ignore these flaws. </span> <br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">A period movie is every movie buff's dream. Not to mention history and war - the very mention just gets your adrenalin racing, at least for me it does. Selva Raghavan has peed all over the countless masterpieces (Saving Private Ryan, Patriot, Brave Heart, Apocalypto) in this unique genre by directing this series of scary pictures at 24 fps which he calls </span><i style="background-color: white;">a movie on the lines of Avatar and Mummy Returns</i><span style="background-color: white;">. This movie screams to be shown the middle finger.<br /><br />I have reproduced a split-up of the movie's budget.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">Update: NDTV pans the movie in its review..</span><a href="http://bit.ly/bk8yO2" style="background-color: white;">Click here to watch</a></div>santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9181827061879946196.post-69238834237426839102010-01-17T04:11:00.000-08:002010-05-09T04:45:50.072-07:002 states- Review of 2 states and a country called IndiaIn a line: Chetan's got a good business mind.<br />
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Just imagine this scenario.<br />
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* <span style="font-style: italic;">You have resigned your job as a high profile investment banker for the love of writing.<br />
*</span> <span style="font-style: italic;">You already have three best selling books to your credit plus the big honour of "the guy who made India read"</span> (too much i know).<br />
It gets interesting now.<br />
*<span style="font-style: italic;">You have run out of ideas and epiphanies.<br />
*You are desperate to monetize your huge fan base*<br />
*You are planning to join politics in future<br />
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What do you do?<span style="font-style: italic;">You go ahead and write a perfect masala** book with no taut storyline and lots of xenophobic ridicules and name it "</span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">2 states</span><span style="font-style: italic;">-The story of my marriage" .<br />
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</span>Very difficult to imagine?<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>Just go ahead and buy the book for hundred bucks and make it your bedbug for 3 nights. You will understand crystal clear what I am talking about.<br />
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Yes!! <span style="font-style: italic;">2 states-TSOMM</span> is the latest fiction work by my once favorite Indian writer Che(a)tan Bhagat. The title says 2 states. But it is very clear that chetan was only in 1 state of mind while writing this book. Deride the southies (the terms northies and southies are not meant to be pejorative and simply to imply the divide <span style="font-style: italic;">The Vindhyas</span> has caused)at every given opportunity and give the northies a good chance to laugh at the former - a simple concept.<br />
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Ok!! Before moving forward about the book permit me a historical interjectional opinion. Though I don't question the concept of a united India, I do question the way politics goes about in this country. India was supposed to be this holy-mother merger of powerful but disparate states which were separate countries before. It was supposed to be greater than the sum of its parts. But the last guy who tried doing such a thing was Dr.Frankenstein and he ended up creating a monster. And our country is no different - a monstrous creation.<br />
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Shedding the cloak of an Indian and looking through the prism of reality I find Indians to be the most racist people in the world. Throughout India, sectarianism and discrimination run amok. Northies hate Madrasis who in turn hate goltis and kannadigas who in turn hate mallus and they all in turn hate chinkies(chinese-the people from north east). Language and colour are not the only phylae of the Indian segregation taxonomy. There are more like religion, caste, creed, sex, subsects etc., And in a situation where our only unity lies in hating each other( so much for unity in diversity)<span style="color: white;"></span> <a href="http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/jugglebandhi/entry/we-re-even-more-racist"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">we call the aussies racist?</span></a> Our biggest contribution to civilization apart from zero seems to be the soon to be published book called "Hatred For Dummies - a complete guide on how to racially detest human beings and have fun doing it"<br />
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Enough truth finding and prophetic lectures!! Back to the battlefield. This is the scenario in which Chetan Bhagat comes in. Here is this picture-perfect too good to be true crusader who comes to India after several years of international action, with an aim to <span style="font-style: italic;">change</span>(this word is highly over rated nowadays along with <span style="font-style: italic;">innovation</span>) this country,his reputation an all time high buoyed by three best selling books and his marriage experience akin to a polar bear marrying a desert camel . So he understands both sides of the country and decides to write a book about it. Good Idea mate!! A great way to bridge the north-south divide. Oh wait!! That was at least what I was thinking he would do. But he disappointed me by taking a side in the novel. He wanted to show how a couple's love life succeeds after many struggles- I get it. But should the villians all be lungi wearing, hindu reading madrasis and their culture?<br />
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Its like <span style="font-style: italic;">Che (Chetan not che guevara)</span> was throwing a big party, everyone reading 2S-TSOMM was attending it. It was a perfect opportunity for him to introduce each one to the other. He could have made everyone realize that there are many positives about the other. But instead he joined his gang of friends and family and made fun of the other gang of friends and never was amicable, even towards the end of the party.<br />
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Here are some points on which i disagree with him,<br />
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1) The mom of Krish (the character who narrates the story) is the perfect <span style="font-style: italic;">villi</span> in any film writer's book - she hates madrasis as much as cockroaches. She loves money as much as a child loves ice cream. She insults the girl and her family at every opportunity and never ever in the book she regrets her actions. But somehow things end well and there is this usual mawkish scene involving son and mom where towards the end everyone is made to believe she is as good as mother Teresa.<br />
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2) A sardarji advises krish to leave the city as soon as possible, as Punjabis can't live in there for long. We are not talking about some Kandahar in Afghanistan, but good old Chennai. And the auto drivers are compared to terrorists, which i think is true not only in Chennai but in the rest of India as well. So what the duck dude? They ain't killing Punjabis in here like they did in Delhi. <span style="font-style: italic;">Che</span> can argue that it was not his opinion, but it does show the south in bad and wrong light.<br />
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</span>3) The food. I was at my boiling high when I learnt that <span style="font-style: italic;">Che</span> dint care a dime to appreciate the excellent south Indian food. I understand his predicament, I cant live on rotis and subzis for more than a week, but i sure love them. Dude, dint <span style="font-style: italic;">Krish</span> even love the delectable sambhar in <span style="font-style: italic;">Ananya's</span> (the victim in this novel ) house?<br />
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4) I could have condoned the above three as "shit happens". But not when he steps up the rant and compares divine carnatic music to hmmm.., let me quote "<span style="font-style: italic;">...they sounded like long wails, as if someone was being slowly strangled..</span>". Thats it!! <span style="font-style: italic;">Che</span> had lost his honour as my favorite writer with those lines. This is serious stuff people. Great composers from Thyagaraja and Syama sashtri to BalaMurali Krishna and MS Subbbulakshmi dint wail nor did they strangulate anyone. It is a branch of science and art in to its own, requiring oodles of genius and discipline. We are not talking about some <span style="font-style: italic;">Bhalley!! Bhalley!!</span> (sorry!! cant resist the racist Indian in me) here. But I think you get my point. Though I initially thought the ektara and thumbi (the thing with which you do bhalley!! bhalley!!) as primitive one-stringed instruments later I appreciated the simplicity and humbleness in their design and not to mention the laymen who use them. I would have liked <span style="font-style: italic;">Che</span> to avoid the sacrilege or at least redeem the honor towards the end. Alas!! the epiphany never came to <span style="font-style: italic;">Krish.</span><br />
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<span style="font-style: italic;">And northies(Not all but atleast a sizable ratio. Friends who usually contradict me concur with this opinion) finish the novel with the thought "See!! Thats why we hate Madrasis" and gloat over their vision and ability to see the truth about people down under.</span><br />
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I did enjoy some digs about <span style="font-style: italic;">Madrasis</span> like dark skinned, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Hindu</span> reading and Girlfriend-less(is that the word?) men but not the rest. No!!A defensive salvo like the one in the <span style="font-style: italic;">acknowledgments</span> section wont do. Let me quote the exact lines:<br />
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"<span style="font-style: italic;">..all South Indians I love them.....I have taken the liberty to have some fun with you..(blah blah blah) You only make digs at people you care for</span>"<br />
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I was surprised that no one else was complaining. So I called up some of my friends from other states(karnataka, Andhra, Kerala etc..,As a matter of fact I am an <span style="font-style: italic;">antagonist in this novel</span> a.k.a <span style="font-style: italic;">Tamilian</span>) to verify that I had not become insane and that the sun still rises in the east. All shared my agony, except one guy from kerala. And later after I explained him " Ranjit!! Dont be mistaken. <span style="font-style: italic;">Chetan</span> is a punjabi and not a <span style="font-style: italic;">mallu chetan</span>(meaning brother in malayalam) " he immediately empathized with me***.<br />
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I read in some interview of chetan that he has a serious idea about joining politics. And I have to agree with him about his seriousness. He has already become one, by writing this biased(subtle or blatant), polarized(knowingly or unwittingly) fiction which he says will bridge the north-south divide. Wake Up Che!! All those days of sleeplessness in IIMA must be getting in to you and I am pretty sure you must have dozed off when you wrote some of those chapters(Please say YES !! PLEASE)<br />
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* - This line in no way reflects chetan's mindset and is an addition to spice things up in my blog :) <span style="font-style: italic;">mea culpa</span><br />
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** - <span style="font-style: italic;">masala </span>not as in food but as in stupid run of the mill kollywood (esp vijay)and tollywood( to some extent ) movies<br />
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*** - The above conversation b/w me and Renjit chetan never happened and is again to add masala<br />
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PS: A special thanks to Che for helping break my writer's block and also for the first two Acts which got me going. I thought it would create some <span style="font-style: italic;">revolution</span> but now i think <span style="font-style: italic;">Che</span> seriously need some <span style="font-style: italic;">revaluation</span> .santahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15803875005270242258noreply@blogger.com13